


Bang!

by RikaRov



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Eating Disorder (Mentioned), Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, ShuAkeWeek2020, Vomiting, phonophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 08:01:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27629936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RikaRov/pseuds/RikaRov
Summary: Akira’s phone rang suddenly and his eyes jolted open, but he hadn't jumped because of the phone call - he had startled at a shout fromGoro. Phone still ringing, Akira quickly slid across the floor to sit beside Goro, right hand reaching out to touch the top of his head, which was the closest thing he could get into physical contact with him with. Goro was breathing heavily and staring at the ceiling, so Akira placed his left hand on Goro’s chest, through which he could feel his heart beating. It was racing.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 2
Kudos: 70





	Bang!

**Author's Note:**

> ShuAkeWeek 2020: Festival
> 
> This is a collaboration with my friend [Somnum](https://twitter.com/NoxSomni), link to their art at the end notes!

It's been two years since Akira reunited with Goro, after Akira returned to Tokyo for university studies. It's been 1 year since they began to date, and 3 months since they began to live together in the same apartment near Yongen-Jaya. Goro had begun to lower his defensive layers for Akira and the other thieves, slowly but surely, learning to trust when there’s no life threatening situation directed at them anymore. 

The days have been peaceful and normal for everyone. It's almost a miracle. From enemies, to lovers - from betrayal, to forgiveness - from rejection to acceptance. 

Sitting on the floor of their apartment, Akira was glad that Goro was alive, couldn't be happier with Goro by his side, and would never, even now, trade anything for Goro, not even the world. Everything really seemed to be perfect. 

Until he started to notice something didn’t seem quite right with Goro. 

Summer break had just started, accompanied by the sound of cicadas ringing loudly outside the apartment. Both of them were laying lazily on the floor, ice packs in hand, two fans switched onto maximum speed, trying to stay sane under the torturing heat.

“We have to get an apartment with air conditioning next time we move,” Goro said, ice pack covering his eyes.

Next to him, Akira hummed in reply. He didn’t have energy left to reply to him verbally. The heat had been making his consciousness slowly fade away... _'Why is it so tiring when it's summer time…'_

Akira’s phone rang suddenly and his eyes jolted open, but he hadn't jumped because of the phone call - he had startled at a shout from _Goro_. Phone still ringing, Akira quickly slid across the floor to sit beside Goro, right hand reaching out to touch the top of his head, which was the closest thing he could get into physical contact with him with. Goro was breathing heavily and staring at the ceiling, so Akira placed his left hand on Goro’s chest, through which he could feel his heart beating. It was racing. “Goro, listen to me, follow my breathing. Breathe in… breathe out…”

The ringing stopped, replaced by the buzz of adrenaline in his ears and a crashing silence in between Akira's instructions and Goro's unsteady breathing. The nonstop sound of cicadas rushed back in. After almost a minute, Goro finally managed to catch his breath. He closed his eyes and Akira left a kiss on his forehead. 

“You okay?” Akira ran his fingers through Goro's slightly chilled, tangled bangs.

"Yeah, somehow." 

"What happened? You shouted the moment my phone rang."

Goro closed his eyes, looking discomforted. Akira frowned, concerned. “It’s… loud…” Goro’s voice was soft, almost whisper-tone, and Akira had almost missed what he said. 

“... Loud?" he repeated. Was it startling? Usually, Akira's phone was left on silent, but because he knew he was drifting off into a nap, he had set the volume to maximum to make sure he wouldn't miss it if it went off. The caller would just have to leave a voicemail, he decided. For scaring his boyfriend... "I’ll mute it right now.” After setting his phone to silent, he was back to Goro’s side, speaking softly to Goro's closed eyes. “You want to talk about it?”

Goro shook his head. His tone was still unhappy as he struggled to say, “I- I don’t know…”

“It’s alright," Akira said, wrapping around Goro's shoulders to maximize physical contact and comfort, despite the heat and the fans. He softly pat Goro’s hair, combing it, making sure he’d be alright when he was ready to get back up. "We’ll talk when you’re ready.” 

—

It had taken a while. In the end, they hadn't talked. 

This ended up being one of what became many instances over the next few weeks where Akira had noticed Goro getting startled or sometimes outright scared by any noise that was either unexpected or louder than a kid yelling. It could range from an alarm clock (thrown away), a door closing abruptly (by wind), a metal bowl dropped on the floor (accident), the barks of a neighbour's dog, a car honking (extremely dangerous!) and even thunder.

This can’t go on. They really need to talk, Akira decided. _It is affecting his lifestyle._ Mental exhaustion could lead to accidents, and Akira only got more worried after a few incidents caused Goro to freeze on the spot for a few minutes, trying to recollect his senses again. His heart ached to help.

But Goro refused. _'It’s okay, I said I’ll give him time until he’s ready._

—

Nightmares were starting to haunt Goro more frequently. There was one time Goro woke up with a loud scream, Akira tried to get a hold of him but he kept getting pushed away. Goro kept on mumbling “Imsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorry…”, as he clenched his fist into his hair. Akira had to try his best to hold firmly and talk Goro out from his headspace, telling him _I’m here, you’re safe_. It was heartbreaking for Akira to witness and he couldn’t do anything about it.

Yet, Goro refused to talk.

—

Summer break is almost over and the thieves invite everyone out to the summer festival in Tokyo, as they do that every year. As usual, Goro rejects the invite, claiming he has work to do. Akira always thought Goro just didn’t like to go to crowded places as he gets recognised easily.

After what had been happening for the past 2 weeks, Akira is almost certain it’s because Goro is scared of the sound of fireworks.

 _Goro can’t live in this fear anymore,_ every time any episodes happen, Akira always feels he is totally helpless in this situation. Yes, he does comfort Goro, but it does not improve the situation. He has to really get Goro to talk, as soon as possible.

He has his suspicion of what the cause of this was; Goro had lived his life as Shido’s hitman for at least 3 years. Having him shoot Akira’s cognitive double in the head before didn’t help at all. Goro had been avoiding to look at Akira directly since his phonophobia hit (he had searched up the name on the internet).

This is damaging their relationship. Not that they don’t trust each other anymore, but it might lead to arguments if Akira snaps. Akira doesn’t want that, he wants Goro to feel safe all the time.

—

When Goro got back from the school library after his scheduled consultation with his professor, Akira dragged him to sit on the couch together.

“Goro, we have to--”

“No. We will not.”

“Goro, please.”

Goro does not walk away, instead he holds Akira’s hand tightly until his hand feels pain. Goro’s head drops low with his fringe covering his face, his expression obscured. Goro is a person with a strong heart. since Akira knew him, he never bowed his head low except when he mentioned his mother. 

“I- I hate this…” Taking in a deep breath, “I hate being this weak but I- I can’t control it.” Another deep breath, “I-I don’t know what to do at all, I hate this.”

 _Weak_ does not fit well with Goro. Akira doesn’t want Goro to feel or be like that too. 

“Being like this-- being weak-- hurts you, you don’t deserve to be hurt at all.” It surprises Akira that Goro actually thinks the same but he was more overjoyed that Goro thought of him too.

Silently, Akira pulled Goro into a hug. Goro pushed his face onto his chest, quietly sobbing. Akira rubbed small circles on Goro’s shoulder blades. “It’s okay, Goro. I’m here. We’ll get through this.”

Akira doesn’t want to say Goro did not hurt him; it was true that Goro hurt him after all. But he forgives him.

—

After Goro calmed down, Akira fetched him some water and sat back on the couch. “So, the reason we’ve never gone to any festival is because you’re scared of loud noises?”

Goro turned his head away, there’s a hint of blush at the tip of his ears. “It’s embarrassing to admit that.”

“I’m still glad that you told me,” a pause because Akira was unsure about his next question, “Do you want to… do something about it?”

“Yes, I do. Anything that keeps me away from embarrassing myself in the public even more.”

Akira chuckles at that, he knew Goro will never be straightforward to admit his feelings that often.

—

Goro doesn’t think of himself as a weak person, his heart has been closed to protect him from whatever that will disrupt his plans. All these years, nightmares haunted him, it never had a direct effect on him physically and mentally. This time, it is different.

Whenever a loud noise rang in his head, it called back to the moments of him pulling the trigger, reminding him of the crimes he had committed. The faces of his victims flashed in front of him, isolating him from the world. He heard them condemning him, telling him he doesn’t deserve to live on with their blood in his hands.

He doesn't understand why now, of all times. Until Akira had moved in with him, he had been fine all alone. Is it because he started to feel there’s someone he can rely on now? Someone that will not abandon him despite all the wrong he had done?

But, this isn’t fair to Akira. In his nightmares, ghosts of his victim haunt him. Restless souls come back to get their revenge on him, including Akira. 

—

Again, he pulls the trigger on Akira; how many times has it been now? How many times has Akira died by his own hands? Akira always climbs back from the dead, hugging him and saying it’s alright, Goro. I don’t blame you.

He jolted awake, saliva gathering in his mouth. He rushed to the toilet and threw up his empty stomach. Right, he doesn’t eat well too. 

Akira came after him, kneeling down beside him trying to hold up his hair. In a reflexive moment, he pushed Akira away. He felt dirty being touched at that moment. When he came to, he saw the shock in Akira’s eyes.

_No. This is wrong._

Akira’s eyes were wide, he could see his own fearful face in the reflection of his grey eyes. Akira looked like he understood him, he stood up to get him some water. 

Another surge of force clenches his stomach again.

—

After admitting his weakness and his fear, Goro felt a lot better. Almost like a part of the heavy weight has been lifted off his shoulder, it is still there but at least he can face Akira now.

Akira has been a good partner, caring, supportive and understanding. He definitely deserves better, but he doesn’t want to let anyone else have Akira. Akira only belongs to him after all.

He has to be better for Akira.

Goro does realise that he’s been avoiding Akira lately (before he admits), he feels guilty every time he looks at Akira’s face. But he feels even more heartbroken when Akira sounds defeated every time he rejects him. Akira deserves happiness, not sadness.

And Goro is going to change that, he will give Akira the happiness he deserves.

—

They learnt that for him to get over with his situation, he needs to face his fears. Which also means he has to face his past, a past he has to accept and let go. 

He always thinks he already accepted that his actions and the consequences that came along, it was a path he chose to walk. A path of no return for his own childish revenge. Now, his wall of defence he used to build up is gone. His weak self is the one who suffers, his true self without a stronghold. 

Learning to be strong within himself is something foreign to him. He lived his life for revenge, to let Shido suffer, for his mother. He locked himself away because if there was a slip up, it would cost his life and his _dreams_ will never come true. 

His therapist said now he had someone or people he can trust, they will be the one to help him to stand up again. As the real Akechi Goro without any walls or disguise, not someone else’s puppet.

—

To overcome his fear, he had to face the triggers. 

Under a controlled and safe environment, the therapist exposed him to a reasonable volume of loud noises. It was hard at first, but the more he did it, the more he realised how he had used his anger to protect himself. Now, he has no reason to be the _angry_ and _grumpy_ Akechi Goro. 

If he really wants to differentiate his feelings distinctly, Loki is the Persona he manifested to protect himself from being weak. Even with Robin Hood, he still feels weak at times because there’s only so much he can do with Robin Hood, he needs more power, more anger, a hidden disguise to this unfair world.

Loki and Robin Hood were no longer needed, the connections he made the past years has given him strength more than he realised. The power of friendship that he once envied Akira for, now he has it too.

The more he remembers his connections with others, the more he knows, his true self.

—

4 months later, his condition has drastically improved. He had to thank the thieves willingly helping him in this recovery process. Akira insisted he should thank himself because without his own initiative, he would never have come close in the process. 

He doesn't really flinch at loud noises anymore, well, not all the time but it is still manageable if he anticipates the noise to come roaring. Nightmares don’t haunt him daily anymore, at least not when Akira sleeps by his side. He always finds Akira’s presence welcoming and comforting.

It is new year today, they all agreed to meet up at the shrine for new year prayers. It has been a while for Goro to wear a yukata, new year tends to be colder so they added another layer to their yukata.

He has a jacquard white-biege pattern on his yukata with a gold obi. He finishes with a red coat that extends to his knee. Akira’s yukata is the opposite of his, black and grey jacquard pattern with a red obi, complete with a red and black ends coat.

There’s going to be fireworks during the countdown to the new year, Akira is worried that he might not be able to handle the explosion noise of fireworks because it is the closest sound to gunshots. 

“You sure you’re fine with fireworks now?”

“Yes, Akira. This is the fifth time you asked me today.” Goro said with rolling eyes. “I really want to see the fireworks up close, I even bought earplugs. Plus, you and the others are here with me.”

—

“Joker! Crow! Both of you look good in your yukata!” Morgana said approvingly, he was staying with Futaba the past few days, “Wish I have a human form to wear one…” His ears fold down.

“Akira and I actually bought one animal costume for you, if you don’t mind wearing it.” Goro offers. Morgana has always been close with Akira, it is also the first _person_ Goro actually opened up to.

“Really! I wanna try, I wanna try!” An _animal_ costume doesn’t seem to bother him, Goro wonders if he phrases it as cat costume he will be offended or not. It was fun teasing him but tonight will be the start of new year, so he lets it go. 

They picked one blue yukata costume that has a yellow collar, it fits his blue eyes and his yellow scarf back in the Metaverse. The girls immediately coo after him, he definitely looks too cute in it. Glad they made the right choice.

They queue up for new year prayers, Akira teases him for not preparing his new year wishes but he actually did, his wishes are simple: 1) pray for everyone’s good health, 2) he can be a better lover for Akira and 3) wishes for a bright future together with Akira. 

When it’s their turn, he said his first two wishes out loud making sure Akira could hear him. He opens a glimpse of his eyes, he feels proud he managed to make Akira blush at his affections. It makes his heart feel fluffy too. He closes his eyes and prays whole-heartedly for his third wish.

—

Based on Futaba’s calculation, the clear field at the ledge of the shrine is the best spot to enjoy the firework show. It is almost midnight, Akira takes out his earplugs and places them in his ears.

Almost on cue, the fireworks started. He flinches a little at the first explosion, Akira hands still by his ears, holds him firmly. He slowly pulls away Akira’s wrist, the sound of the explosions getting louder and louder.

He moves his gaze to the fireworks, eyes wide, the fireworks are beautiful.

Akira saw the way his face lit up at the sight of the night sky painted with colourful sparks, he smiled fondly at Goro. He feels Akira’s fingers intertwine with him, he holds back Akira’s firmly, responding to his touch.

They look at each other, the way the fireworks lit up their faces, toned down their sharp face features. They slowly draw their face closer and seal their first kiss in the new year under the sparks.

**Author's Note:**

> [Art](https://twitter.com/noxsomni/status/1329400677118963712?s=21) by Somnum  
> [My twitter](https://twitter.com/RikaRovy) but mostly I just RT other creators' stuff.


End file.
